How you hit rock bottom as an out of work yuppie...
Today I hit rock bottom. Not the the "addicted to heroin, lying in the gutter, turning tricks on K Street for money to buy lululemon clothing" rock bottom, but much worse. "Yuppie out of work rock bottom".
As one of my duties as the stay at home husband, not brining home the bread winning money, I went to Trader Joes at 9 in the morning for our weekly grocery run. My attire; I was wearing flip flops, a worn hoody, and my J Crew Snow Flake pajama pants. Two year old pajama pants.
So I went to Trader Joes, purchasing some over priced Coffee that I really dont understand the description of (subject of a soon to be separate post), and made my way to the check out line. Keeping the above clothing attire description in mind, add to the fact I havent showered in awhile and may have a lazy man's beard.
While at the checkout line, the following conversation happened:
Very nice old woman (VNOW): OH excuse me young man. (Possible insert of british accent)
ME: Oh yes, how may I help you. (Possible dejected, loss of manhood, listening to Sarah McClachlan on my porch drinking wine voice)
VNOW: You seem to have something on your back.
ME: Oh yes?
VNOW: You seem to have a magazine subscription card on your back. (Possibly from my lying on my couch in a testosterone deficient state amongst back issues of People and InTouch magazine).
ME: Oh thank you, that is very sweet of you. (Possible tear in my eye)
VNOW: You okay young man? You seem upset.
ME: Yes, just mourning the loss of my manhood, Ill be okay. There are some new issues of the Big Bang Theory I havent seen yet. Leonard and Sheldon always cheer me up with their science/social akward hijinks.
After having completed my purchase, I decided to collect myself and do something positive to change my financial and hormone situation; buy a lottery ticket.
Wrong answer.
Upon going to the 7/11 I realized I don't even know how to buy a lottery ticket. So many choices. Pick 6. Pick 7. Pick 8. SuperBall. VA Lottery. Christmas Specials. Scratch Off. I quickly became overwhelmed with the magnatude of trying to pick a winning lottery ticket. I became so overwhelmed that all systems shut down in what I can imagine was some attempt by my brain to hit control-alt-delete and attempt to reboot.
Upon rebooting, instead of buying a lottery ticket, I bought Ben and Jerry's Funky Monkey ice cream.
Hope I have enough episodes of Big Bang Theory to last the whole bucket of Ice Cream.
No comments:
Post a Comment